Appreciation

The only picture I have today is a rare sunset from our front porch. 

My little hummingbird buddy was flitting around this morning,  letting me know the feeder was low, sipping from the petunias under the window. 

I thought about grabbing my phone but decided against it because I knew if I left the window I'd probably miss his little adventure in our yard. 

I chose to appreciate the moment.  

He even paused to perch on the feeder stand, his pretty green and red shining in the sun. 

We often forget to appreciate the little moments in our lives. So busy flitting about that we forget to perch, to enjoy the sweet nectar of life. 

I saw an old friend yesterday.  18 years we were friends.  That's a long time. 

But she wasn't being honest,  not with herself and this not with anyone else.  

I loved her, like family I loved her. 

Seeing her yesterday made me sad, deep down. I still miss the friend I thought she was. 

I also understand we can't be friends anymore.  We took entirely different paths. I'm trying to be better and she's still trying to find a lie that she can believe.  

I can't. 

I can't support it, hide it, deny it, take part in it. And those are the only people who can be her friends.  

It made me sad but it also showed me I can appreciate what she contributed to my life. There was joy, laughter. She taught me how to be family to someone.  How to let strangers in.  

Losing her broke my heart. I could use that hurt as a lesson about not letting people in, staying guarded. 

I'm deciding instead to take the blessings she gave me and let the negative go. 

It doesn't serve anyone any good. 

If you can't do good with it, it's worthless. 

And I refuse to let 18 years of giving my heart to someone be worthless.  

You can love someone and still love yourself enough to know you need to leave a situation.  There's a point where you can't help them, they're not helping you,  and the whole interaction process is too toxic to outweigh the benefits.  

We're taught that it's selfish to love yourself, that it's selfish to leave someone for your benefit.  

But that runs both ways. 

It's selfish to ask someone to stay when you can't love them back. 

It's selfish to expect someone to hurt themselves for your sake. 

Love is giving, it is selfless, and it is complete. 

Love is knowing when leaving is better than staying, for both of you. 

So appreciate the time you have,  appreciate the love you have, and appreciate your freedom to be the best you regardless of anyone else.