Accountability

I wrote something on this subject a couple of years ago, felt like revisiting it.

Accountability. 

By definition: the act of being held accountable,  responsibility.  

Heavy word. 

Responsibility,  makes you feel proud. It's a word that evokes pride and self worth. 

Accountability. 

Now we're talking consequences. You're reaping what you've sown. The deed is done and your tally is racking up. 

Man. 

We never hear that word anymore unless it's in the political arena, but we're each accountable,  every day, for the things we do and say. 

I believe the word we've come to prefer is blame. But blame isn't the same. 

Where accountability is taking responsibility,  blame is being assigned responsibility.  Not necessarily that you've earned it,  only that someone is pointing the finger. 

Definitions are crucial. 

Let's make up a situation. 

Bob, June, and Gary are all friends.  

Bob likes to get drunk and when he's drunk he tends to talk, a lot. 

One night Bob gets hammered and tells Gary a secret about June, something he'd sworn he would never tell. Now Gary's hurt because June didn't trust him with this secret, June's hurt because Bob blabbed,  and Bob's hurt because everyone is mad at him. 

Accountability. 

June never should have told Bob,  knowing he talks when he's drunk and knowing he frequently drinks. She is accountable for telling him in the first place. 

Bob,  knowing himself,  never should have promised to keep a secret,  and once he did, should have kept said secret. 

Gary had no business expecting June to share anything with him.  Friendship isn't a license to know everything,  people are allowed to keep information private. 

So they were all accountable, in their own way, for this drama. 

See, when it stops being about blame, about who to point your hurt feelings at, it gets pretty simple. 

If you can't trust someone,  don't.  

If you do something and it backfires, don't do it again. 

Learn.

Grow. 

And more importantly,  stop being a victim.

Blame, it's not useful. Because as long you have someone or something else to blame,  you're not being accountable. If you're not accountable, you're not in control of yourself.  Someone else is. 

In reality June would have cried, would have blamed Bob,  would have sobbed until Gary forgave her,  and there would be a permanent rift in the friendship.  

All because June didn't want to be accountable for her poor choices. 

Trusting Bob was a poor choice,  period. 

We do stuff like this all the time though. 

When is the last time you said "so and so caused me problems " ?

Guess what?

So and so' s actions may have damaged you, but you took those actions to heart, you allowed them to become damaging. 

That doesn't mean it's your fault. 

We're not talking about blame. 

This is accountability. 

You are accountable for what you allow, for how you interpret information,  for how you react. 

You read that and go "wow, that's harsh".

No, no it's not! 

It's freedom! 

You are not beholden to anyone but yourself. 

You are accountable for you.

You're not a victim, you're not powerless,  you're not hopeless  or helpless. 

You are master of yourself simply by making the choice to own what you say, think, feel, and do. 

Amazing isn't it? 

How nice it is to own yourself....

And once you start being accountable,  you also stop taking blame. You're no longer accepting guilt for actions that aren't yours because you can clearly see what belongs to you and what doesn't.  

It's such a simple thing, definitions.

Accepting things as they are and not as we've falsely been taught they should be. 

And again, shift your perspective.  

Own your actions, own yourself,  be a truly free individual.  

 God bless