Yeah, she's dying.
The 16th she was feverish but eating and playing with the dogs next door through the fence.
Today she is not eating, barely drinking, lethargic, terribly thin, weak, she has a smell about her, her fur doesn't feel right, and this evening she suddenly wanted to be near us after spending the last several days avoiding us.
The 16th.
And most of this weight loss has been over Christmas. Called the vet, they can't do anything I'm not already doing.
Turns out we bet on the wrong illness. We all wanted it to be IBD, it's intestinal lymphoma. Not that it matters. Treatment is prednisone, and it bought her a couple of months we wouldn't have had.
Now we make her comfortable, give her love, and pray she goes quickly because I don't know if I can put her down. I will, if she's in pain, I will, because she deserves an easy death. But it'll kill me.
That was the bad.
This is time with my husband, with God's beauty, with time away from the death watch. This is a reminder that life is sad, awful, terrible, painful, beautiful, wonderful, peaceful, loving.
It is all these things.
And without all these things we wouldn't have full lives.
Most of us wouldn't grow, learn, Do anything worthwhile without the pain and struggles to push us to be and do better.
No, it's not a nice truth, but it is the truth.
Complacency breeds contempt.
I'm dreading the moment my sweet puppy dies. We didn't even want another dog, she was dumped at a tire shop, covered in ticks. Bill Dear sent me her picture and I fell in love. "Bring her home!"
She was 6 months old, filthy, hyper, sweet, and my baby. Has been ever since.
5 years, it isn't long enough.
We bought this house because of the dog, put up an electric fence for the dog. Walks with her, watching her bound through fields, play with calves, soooooo many squeakers out of soooooo many toys!
Good memories.
Lots of those.
And a mixed feelings kind of day.
God bless and good night.
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