Moving Right Along

When you ask God to make changes in you, look out. 

This has been a very enlightening week.  

I woke up this morning,  early,  around 6:30. I hurt, couldn't get comfortable. 

 

I thought instantly about how I hoped this wasn't going to become normal,  this early waking or insomnia.  

God please, don't let that be my normal. 

I stood in front of the mirror brushing my hair and I started bawling. 

I am a caregiver.  

Being the oldest I was in charge of my brother,  I had to watch my mom when she got depressed,  I did home health care, took care of my dying mother-in-law, helped sit with my dying boss. 

I'm a mom, a wife....

I take care of people.  

I'm facing the very real and scary fact that at some point in time I'm going to be the one being taken care of.  

I not only don't know how to deal with it,  I don't know who I am if I'm not doing for others. 

And I bawled. 

For someone who hates to cry I've done a lot of it this week. Cleaning mental house, stirring up a lot of deep debris in there. 

What God reminded me of is that most of the people I have taken care of left a mark on my heart. 

Not because of what they did, but because of who they were. 

They were good, godly, caring, kind, selfless, loving. 

You can take care of people's hearts and minds too. 

I'm not going to be useless, I'm just going to be used in a different way.  God wants me to have faith, to be the clay he can mold.  I just need to get my hands out of the way and quit trying to be in control.  

Control is an illusion.  

A lie we tell ourselves.  

I have to give God the wheel. 

It's funny, I hear people say all the time "jesus take the wheel" . 

The problem is , Jesus is a tall guy. When He drives you can't see over the dash very far. 

So I'm gripping the "oh crud" handle watching this canyon get closer and closer wondering if Jesus has lost his mind. 

Meanwhile, he's looking at the smooth road I can't see, or the bridge. He knows the way he's making,  he knows the best road to take.  

And despite all the times he's driven the perfect trip....I still grab the "oh crud" handle. 

It's an insult, and it doesn't help a darn thing. It just gives me the illusion of control. 

God wants me to truly give Jesus the wheel and start learning to enjoy the ride. 

Yeehaw! 🤠

Here we go then...🛣

God bless ya'll.  ❤