If you're a child who doesn't have a bond with your parents you're made to feel guilty, deficient, cruel even.
There's no exact science for bonding. So many factors can affect that process.
When you don't form a bond with your parents it's tough. You spend the bulk of your childhood feeling like something is wrong with you. You know something is missing, seeing that connection with your friends and their parents but not your own.
Guilt, self blame, problems forming healthy relationships, low self image.
All because of something you have absolutely no control over.
And it's not just our own parents who try to force the illusion of a bond. Teachers, family, society in general.
Have problems when you're older? Therapists rarely ask about parental bonds. They ask if you love your parents, if your relationship is good....
They don't ask if you feel like you belong, if you feel like you measure up.
So you muddle through. You go through friends and lovers, wondering what's wrong with you when the only wrong is that you were never shown how to have a healthy, loving relationship.
Eventually, if you're lucky, you figure it out. Maybe you bond with a lover, or a child, someone who finally turns on the light in your head that "this" is what a good relationship is supposed to be.
Life is tough.
We don't escape without problems.
We also usually pass those problems down to our kids, if we don't accidentally give them new ones.
Then we spend too much of our short time on earth trying to get past all the garbage we picked up as kids.
Anyway, that's my epiphany for today.
No pictures, no garden, no bugs....
Just tying up some loose ends that never should have been allowed to stay frayed for this long.
God bless and have a wonderful weekend. 💛
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