Grousing

I took this picture when we were living in the country.  Taking a walk and just had to get those clouds. 

They remind me of life, how grey skies roll through but the sun always shines again.  There's always a bright blue sky behind those storm clouds. 

I also realize this is two posts in one day, but I'm having a not so fun pain day and decided to share. 

I've got degenerative disc disease,  spinal stenosis,  a bulged L5-S1, trauma induced arthritis,  and sciatica. Which is all longhand for "radiating back pain". 

I think I handle it pretty good,  certainly better than I did at first,  but everyone gets better with practice.  

Today I'm having the pulling sensation,  which causes a mild nausea. It's getting ready to flip. I call it a flip, when it switches from left side pain to right side. Something shifts in my back and so does the pain. 

It's weird,  to try to explain. Usually it's my left side that's affected.  Cold-hot spots, crawling sensation,  lightning like pain down my leg and through my hip. There's a constant grinding feeling in my lower back, I don't even notice it much anymore, it's just there. Sometimes my leg will give out,  just lose sensation and my balance isn't the best anymore because of it.  Thus why I use a cane when I'm going to be on my feet for any length of time.  

When it flips to the right side...things get ugly. It's just pain. Nonstop, excruciating, grinding, stabbing, pain. Thankfully it doesn't stay on that side long...a day, maybe two at a time. 

We're going through a weather change,  seasons changing.  That's what's bringing it on. It's the same every year,  and I know it's coming and somehow it still sneeks up on me. 

The storm. 

That's what I call it. 

It's an impending storm. 

It'll be painful, it'll pass. 

It's just hard to feel like anyone understands who isn't going through something similar.  

We were looking at beds and the salesman had the same issue as me, comparing common ground.  It was sad but nice....good to be understood.  

I don't dwell on it,  I make adjustments and keep on doing what I can. Life doesn't stop because I'm in pain. I really don't think about it too often unless it gets real bad, it's my normal. 

That's the funny thing about chronic pain.  

At first it's a 10 because it's new, you've never had this pain before.  

Then after a while,  being told there's nothing to be done, your 10 is more like a 3 or 4. The pain hasn't changed,  your perception of it has. When it's always there your brain learns how to tune it out to a point. 

It's both amazing and sad, the things we can get used to.